Still Going Through so Many Changes

So many changes, month after month. I have been a nanny for years, and now I am taking care of my sister in laws mom, due to her needing help, and my last nanny position ended suddenly when the Mom decided to stay home with the child.

We see life may not be easy for us, it surely hasn't been for me, pretty much my entire life.  And now I am tired, tired of the headaches, in life and my body, tired of everyone's unawakened mind, and their lower energies.  

When it comes to energy, I have been focusing on Energy Healing, Reiki, and ways to bring more light into my body, which results in a higher vibration in my body for the past few years and it has totally helped in shifting my energy fast.  When I speak about shifting my energy, the negative, draining, drama people leave my life.  It's crazy, but it really happens.  At first I was sad, sad to see how I don't have much in common with them anymore, but grateful in noticing my shift into higher realms.  Higher waves of energy attract other beings that I resonate with more.  I am growing and changing each day, and when you live alone, you truly can become more in touch with who you are.  I channel messages from my higher self, guides, and Angels all the time now, and it's a beautiful thing as spirit always seems to be talking to me.  

When you are alone, and one with your soul each and every day, major transformations occur.  I am become more awake and conscious than anyone I know, and this becomes hard because you don't resonate with your family and friends as you use to.  

So, now it's about figuring it out, why I am here, and what I am suppose to do with the rest of my time here.  I have so many loves, and have tried to pursue many projects that have not come to being accomplished yet.  And I have no idea why, as I put my heart and soul into each idea spirit gives me.  

My new project is opening a Hot Yoga/Healing Studio in Hoboken, after being turned onto Hot Yoga a few months ago.  I was a prior gymnast, and a personal trainer, than got hooked on Yoga after a minor accident that aggravated an old neck injury, that has left me in serious pain each and every day.  But, of course that doesn't stop me, as I was given a strong mind and motivation to accomplish and serve whatever I am here to accomplish and serve!

Right now I am caring for my sister in law's Mom, and challenging it surely is.  I am not in my home, and am spending a few nights there to help with her.  We are all so different, so many set in their ways, they have their routine, and do not want new ideas to creep in.  

So many people don't go through changes in their life, when their life is constant, in that rut, and never changing.  I have noticed I don't resonate with many of my friends and family members who are stuck in their rut, and don't even consider change, are afraid of it, and don't want any part of it.  I suppose so many are afraid, afraid of where the next opportunity will take them, but without that there is no growth.  How can we grow, and change, when nothing in our lives changes?

I still am not very happy, still do not like living over an hour to see my children, and I feel so isolated being so far away from them.  I pray all the time for a change, to move near them, and that's a challenge due to finances, work, and being in pain each day of my life!!

Feeling Lonely Again

So many days I feel I have no friends!
My lifetime friend who is single never even thinks of asking me, "Hey, what are you doing this weekend, do you have plans, want to do something?" Never, and she is only 45 minutes away, I was here all summer, and not once did she come by!  
The same thing with my niece who thought I was so close to but apparently are not.  I see her post pictures they are at the beach, right up the street from me, along with my brother and sister in law, and the don't even text me, "Hey, we're at the beach if you want to stop by, or I am having my Mom and Dad over for dinner, why not come, or even, stop by this weekend, I have the kids!! Nothing, Nada!

I just don' know what happened, did I do something wrong?  All I did was go to see my niece every other weekend when she lived with my brother to help her with her two young boys, only a few years old.  She left her husband when her second son was born, and me being the caring one, went to help her all the time, driving 45 minutes each way, along with my daughter!  And now, a few years later, I live near her, she is now married to a man I love, and she barely ever invites me over. She has her Mom and my brother over every weekend, and still never invites me.  Not even my brother mentioning to her to invite me?  Everyone knows I am alone, and miss my children and family dearly, they all know I struggle with this. She has a Mom who never liked my family, as soon as she came into the family, she took my brother away from us and he never came to another family holiday again.  How sad that is, to be so controlling, so unfair, and how does my brother just kiss her ass and go along with it?  He obviously doesn't care much about his own family, if he did, he would have alternated holidays, or made ways to see us.  It's now been 40 years of this, and I get hurt and upset, and get angry with my sister in law for doing this, doing this to him, and to my family as well, as he is not in it at all!  We were raised to be together, support one another, and that family is important.  I guess he missed that message and married a control freak!

I get sad because I am so alone, I wake up alone still, go to bed alone still, and no one is here for me.  My niece who I helped so much, never thinks of me on the weekend, never inviting me to do anything, or even to stop by.  I even remember last year as they invited me to the boys recital, they all went out to eat, AND LEFT ME OUT!  
Shocking, hurt, disappointed?  All of this!  My family, I helped her sooooo much, ran to see her all the time, and now look, I am alone, need connection to family and loved ones, and she doesn't even reach out to me!  Not even when she is home, and my brother is there, all she has to do is text me to come by!  Nope, never, none of this, and yes, it does hurt!

Time to take a look at my life, and who is there for me?  No One!  My best friend from childhood doesn't care if I am sad and lonely every weekend, she knows I am as I tell her all the time, and she doesn't care enough to make plans, come over, hit the beach together, nothing, nada!  I moved at the beach, shes not far away, and single, and not once came by over the summer on a weekend to hit the beach, go out, nothing!

My other other sister in law I was close to since I have been 15, and I, aren't close anymore either.  Her husband, my brother, has had issues with me for years, even getting mad at me and yelling at me for no reason at all!  Finally, I addressed it to him, wanting to go to breakfast and talk, and he ignored that text!  Wow, okay, guess you do not care if I am your only sister, went through a terrible abusive marriage and divorce, even lost custody of my children for awhile, and you don't care enough about me and our relationship to TALK AND WORK IT OUT?  AND BE THERE FOR ME?? Then your a total ass!  What a slap in the face!  And now, my sister in law and I do not talk anymore either.  This happened last year sometime.
I do understand with the Ascension and the energies shifting, when my energy lifts, others around me drop off like dead flies!  So, I have seen all this in the past, and accepted it, but now, to find my niece ditching me to, saddens me.  She lives five minutes from me, my only family around here, she asks me to watch her kids when she needs me, we are at the beach and I would text her each weekend in the summer to see if she was there, but I suppose she has no time for me now, with her new family, and her own controlling Mother.  
So, I am waking up so sad.  Sad to still be alone, sad to still live alone, wanting to be with loved ones, to live with them and not alone.  
I am planning on moving to where my daughter is in Hoboken, but for now I am still here.  I am opening a Yoga Studio now, and have lots of work on that to get it into creation, and get the hell out of here!  Here, where I thought I would have more loved ones around, as I am right near my niece, and closer to my friend than I have ever been, and neither of them ever reach out to me to hang out, get together as a friend and bond!
Get me out of here, away from the only family I have here as they aren't even here for me, get me to be near my kids, with my kids, the only ones who really care!

My First Daughter's Awesome Birthday!

I couldn't feel more blessed at the moment, as I just had such beautiful, comforting, bonding two days, celebrating my daughter's birthday!
We celebrated twice!  My two daughters, my son, my daughter's boyfriend and I celebrated for Brunch on Sunday, and we had a wonderful time!  My daughter sat at the head of the table, and I got to sit next to her and she was so happy and free.  Walking on the streets with her sister, seeing them so happy, and me with my son and my daughter's boyfriend, was wonderful to see.  After brunch we went back to my daughter's place, and for the first time hung out for hours, feeling relaxed and at home.  It was so wonderful and comforting to bring my family together, my children and my new family, my daughter's boyfriend, soon to be fiance!  
I am feeling so happy, so blessed right now!  I tell spirit you have no idea how happy I am, and then realize of course spirit knows, that's how it's happening.
Then, on Tuesday, the day of my daughter's birthday, my sister in law was having everyone over for dinner, all of her four children, and mates, and my children and I, to celebrate for her!  I was in my glory and high on Tuesday morning, knowing I was spending the day with MY FAMILY!  The family I lost, and found again, because they accepted me back, thanks to Gram!  It has been fifteen years since I have divorced and they have been out of my life, but when Gram fell and was in the Rehab awhile, I started visiting.  Then, one day a miracle occurred, and my ex sister in law invited me back to her house!  I remember the day, my heart was pounding in excitement!  

The more I hang out with her, the more I realize how connected we are, and feel that connection more each day.  Spirit just told me today, we are truly sisters, and have been for many lifetimes.  There are not many people in my life now, besides my children, I feel this crazy bond with.  It's always so fun to be with her, when I am around her I am so happy and full of life!  I am so grateful to be connected with her again!

I arrived at my sister in laws home early, and she bought my daughter a beautiful new bed set, new duvet cover, new sheets, and beautiful throw pillows!  We put it together, which took awhile, and it was pretty funny to me as to the care they put into making a bed!   But, when my daughter arrived home, and went upstairs to see her bed, she looked at my sister in law and cried!  I knew she would, she cried, I cried, my sister in law cried, and my pregnant niece cried!  It was such a beautiful moment, I wish I had brought my phone upstairs, but ran ran up quickly without it.  But, I will never forget her face, her face of "wow, you really did this for me!"  I only wish I had done this for her a long time ago.  I look back and have so many regrets, that is why I don't look back any more!  I stay in love and gratitude now and focus on what I want to create.

I felt we were together a long time, and was sad when my daughter had to get back to the "dogs", because she and her husband are dog trainers. 
After everyone left, I went to say goodbye, and when I did say goodbye to my ex Mother in Law, she started talking to me, and then my sister in law did, so I didn't leave until late.  It always seems hard to leave their home, there is so much connection there for me with her and her family!
Thank you, I am so grateful!

I am Finally Changing Fast!

So much has happened to me, changing my consciousness major! OMG!! 
I keep preaching how the Ascension is here, how awesome it is, how to stay positive, watch what you focus on, AVOID ALL NEGATIVE MAINSTREAM NEWS INCLUDING POLITICS, etc., and it is true, it is truly working for me!
It is time for all the lightworkers to take charge, own your power, stop being a student and teach!  As you are a teacher, and already know enough to teach, and others will come to you, so be open minded.  Actually, know that each person who crosses your path, is there to teach you a lesson as well, as long as you are open to it.  When you vibrate at a high rate, that is what you attract, as the Power of Attraction and the Secret has taught us.  So, obviously, the same occurs when we are negative and bitch about any little thing possible, only to hide the misery within ourselves.  But it is so obvious to see, that:

WE CAN ONLY GIVE OUT WHAT WE FEEL INSIDE

WE CAN ONLY LOVE ANOTHER WHEN WE LOVE OURSELVES

WE CAN ONLY FIND PEACE OUTSIDE WHEN WE GO WITHIN

WE CAN ONLY FIND HAPPINESS FROM WITHIN

SO PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS CAN ONLY APPEAR IN YOUR REALITY, WHEN YOU FEEL IT WITHIN YOUR HEART FIRST! 

So, If you haven't done it yet, and you think your going to help raise the energy and vibration of all with the darkness, the shadows, stuck inside, your wrong!  And know that if you are focusing on the negative, and complaining about it in any way, you are only adding to the darkness and negative energy in the world.  I hope all the lightworkers out there are way past this point now!  You are much more powerful when go inside, let go of the darkness, and choose love! Remember, the light always wins!  Isn't God's LOVE stronger than any darkness around, stronger than any fear or negativity you feel? 
JUST LOVE!

Surviving the Darkness of Pain

Ugg, today I get up after a few days of serious pain from who even knows what anymore.  But, I have had migraine, head, skull, neck, trap, upper back, and lower back pain since I have been out of college, and I won't even tell you how long that has been!  When it gets over the limit, I vomit and get bad stomach pains.  So, I was like this for two days, and when I woke up the same way on day three, I knew I had to get to the Emergency Room for some help, that's even if they can help release my pain.  I have gone to the ER many times for this, and sometimes they can not give me morphine, which is the only thing that relaxes the pain, calms it down, but still doesn't take it away. They were really nice in the ER I went to, since I am in a new area, I haven't been there yet.  They were really thorough and gave me a small dose of morphine as well!  My body became calm, peaceful, and thankful. 

Now I am home, and the pain is calmer, and all I can say is I feel so relieved!  So relieved I lived through that type of pain, because when I get an attack like that, it becomes totally debilitating, and I am living alone.  With no one around to help, comfort, or even care, and being in such pain and you can not sleep because of the pain, it is certainly challenging to say the least.  I also am not in a place where I want to be in my life, so those feelings set in as well, and with all that, and the pain, all I can do is cry.  So, I cried for two days, without sleep due to the pain, and by day three I had to do something to take care of myself.  

The stomach pain was making it worse, along with the nausea and vomiting.  When I feel that way, and being as deep as I am, I get to a point and ask why any other higher source above, would allow anyone to feel this pain?

But, for today, I am thankful, so thankful the pain is calmer, and enlightenment has come through.  After all the pain, once it calms, Spirit guides me with many creative ideas, ideas I want to manifest now on my path in helping others and publishing some books!

I am always grateful that I come back to a place of Love, a place of faith, and hope, and that God sense inside to help lift me up and know I am a phoenix rising!!

Love and Blessings always!!