The Hard Days

Well, another day, and what a low day I had today! 
Some days it feels so hard, so hard to get ahead, provide financially for myself, and to stay happy, focused and centered.  I couldn't shake it off all day, frazzled with worry about how funds will appear for me now!  Today!  It put me in such a bad mood, and it's so hard to shift that energy for me, and I don't even want to leave the house.  
But, I finally did, as we were having dinner with my daughter for her birthday, so I was driving up North awhile ago, when she called and cancelled.  She has so much going on now, and was not feeling well, so we changed it to another night.  So, instead of hanging out with my son alone, I decided to turn around, not hit the traffic going up North, and come back home.  Little did I think I would hit traffic anywhere I went, and when I turned around, I did not take the Parkway, and it took me over an hour to get back home!  The same amount of time it would have taken me to go up North to see him!  Why didn't I just go up to see him, my son?  If I thought about it, seeing him would have totally cheered me up, and given me great energy again!  It's almost like when your low, something guides you the wrong way, the way to lower energy and vibrations.  My vibration is already so low, that by seeing him, he would have helped raise that energy within me!  One, because he is my son, and we have that amazing connection that energizes you by just being together, and two, because I love him, love to see him, miss him, and he just moved into his own place, and I have gifts of plants for him I could have given him! And, I don't look forward to coming home alone again! 
 I realize this, I cry, scream inside my car alone, and can't deal with the choices I make, feeling so foolish for turning around and not jumping on the chance to see my son.  Then, do you think your intuition is guiding you a certain way?  Because I had a strong urge to turn around and go home when my daugher cancelled.  I will tell you why, I feel so unsettled about this money thing, it's getting me sick, and very anxious, and I didn't want to be sad and upset with my son.  When I feel this way, it is hard for me to hide from my children, especially my son!  But, now I see it would have comforted me so much to see him, to be alone with him, and hang out in his new place!
I pray I make better decisions in the future!
I have good news though, about doing energy work in a space in Bradley, energy work, Reiki, and Oracle Cards, Goddess and Life Purpose.  I am meeting the owners tomorrow morning to discuss.  I hope it goes well, and they allow me to use their space a few days a week, so I can help others, and become financially abundant along the way!  I am grateful for this, as I put it out there all last week to find a space to allow me to help in the healing of others, and this appeared after speaking to a friend I know who does Sound Healing with the Crystal bowls and gongs!
And so it is!
Love and Light Always!

Learning to Live Alone

Another Sunday, here at the beach! Super hot out, even too hot and humid to hit the beach, so I will go later on after 5:00 to walk on the ocean and say Hello for today.  I finally have made a point to visit the ocean at least once a day, walk on the ocean, to help heal and calm me down.  I seem so nervous, starting to get worried again about finances, and I know I have to stay in the mind frame of abundance, so grounding, and going to the ocean is so healing and calming.  I can feel a difference within myself of the calming affect, as the ocean takes all my worries away, shifting my energy to a higher state.

It seems each day I wake up not so happy, because I am alone, and miss my children, and the family I once had!  When I awake, my mind spirals into the sadness I feel being alone, and I have to mentally shift my focus on something good, something that puts a smile on my face, shifting to gratitude and appreciation, and love.  Every day I have to remind myself thoughout the day when sad thoughts of the past appear, to push them away, and focus on the light.  I always wonder why these sad memories appear, so many times throughout one day!  I try to focus on what I have, the Love I have around me, and go from there, shifting to gratitude.  I also envison myself illustrating my children's book, "Faith in Angels", and see myself traveling around, reading it to all the children who will listen! 

I wish I knew it all, I wish I had all the answers of being and staying happy, content, and calm, and financially abundant, but I still have not!  I ask why is this such a hard task to understand?  Don't we have the right to know what the heck this is all about?  All the struggles, pain and suffering we see in the world, makes no sense to any of us, and hurts us deeply, and all for what?  Who even knows?  To live a life I have lived, has not been an easy one, with much sadness, asking myself, what was the point of it all?  Was it worth what?  As I am still trying to find my purpose here, help others, and create abundance in every way, as I want to never have to stress about finances, I want my home on the beach, along with my white Porsche Cayenne!  Yes, I have always believed to "Dream great dreams, make them come true!"

  

Although I have such faith, and hope, in God, Love, the Universe, it still seems like a struggle too much of the time.  Waking up alone everyday is not fun for me, I have had such a full life with people in it, living together, being a single mom of three, so living alone is a huge change.  Waking up alone, getting all your energy from yourself, with no one to talk to or say Hello to, it's not my cup of tea!  I love my children around me, I love being a full time Mom, I loved being married, kissing a man good night, and good morning!

So, with all this energy going around, the Lion's Gate in August, it's manifestation time, I am have been focusing on manifesting my true love.  My soul mate who is waiting for me as I am him, someone so kind, giving, and loving, respectful, trustful, and funny!! Can't wait to bump into him, live together, and be together as one, along with his family and mine.  It is so beautiful when I see people in love, especially the ones I know who have been divorced, and found true love again!  It gives me faith to know this will happen to me too, I want it now!  (I have been told when you manifest, make sure you say NOW!) I want it now, true love now, financial abundance now, so I never have to be alone again, nor stress in any way about finances! 

And so it is, thank you, Amen!