Well, it has been awhile and a long road to get to where I am now, in my own little place at the beach, with the ocean only a few minutes away! My friend kept telling me I was where I am suppose to be, down here to heal, not up North to get drained. And draining it is! Now when I drive there to visit, I can not wait to get back home to the calmness it brings.
So, now I am here, still trying to settle in, it's been about two months now. Boy, does it take a toll on you, packing, moving, unpacking, painting, crying, etc., especially when you are suffering with such body pain.
I have moved so many times in the past few years, it's pretty depressing. It is great to have a home again, with my things all around! Even when I feel the pain in my entire head and neck every day, it is comforting to have my stuff around me. Comfort, safety, what else does your home bring to you? So much, so many things, that you probably just take it all for granted and don't even realize! When I come into my home, it's like a sense of relief, an "ahhh", great to get back to the warmth and comfort of my home. But, what I am missing is people!! Family and loved ones around me. Growing up with six brothers, then all of us marrying and having children, having three children of my own and raising them with my sister in laws who each had four children of their own (and a set of multiples in each family!), to say I love being around family is an understatement! It has been my life, one with so many people living with me. And now I am living alone! And I see so clearly now, that to have a family, is to have love and support around you every day, that you aren't even aware of, its unconscious, your soul just knows your loved, with support around you. So, with that, it is so much easier to go to that outside world and shine!! And be kind, giving, compassionate, understanding, because you feel so safe, secure and comforted at home! (Of course, not everyone feels this way in their family, but what I dream of having again)
So, I still have to get my new space organized, so I can concentrate more clearly. It is nice here, people are pretty friendly everywhere you go, unlike North Jersey in Bergen County! The people in the Yoga Studios aren't even friendly!! And, I have the ocean, the strong energizing ocean only a few minutes away! So, yes, that is awesome!
But, still the same, I struggle with loneliness! God, it just doesn't seem to go away! So, I turn to my inner work, cry, and can't wait until these feelings go away!! I want love, I want connection, I want to find a love I can share some of my life with, and share in his life! I am waiting, after being closed to guys for a few years after feeling so hurt by the guys I attracted! So, now I am clear, my vibration is much better, and I would love someone in my life! That is where I am truly lonely now, I know my kids love me, I have friends and family, but it's that every day life, that waking up in the morning, and going to bed at night, where I would love someone! Someone to share the ocean with! When I go to the beach and watch the ocean (because I always sit near the ocean, or what's the point?), I think so much, and so many times become sad, because I am sitting there all alone, and would love someone by my side!
Wishing it was easy to manifest this one!
Blessings of Love and Light to all!
